A strange night at the Gold Saucer
by chaos child
Summary: Everyone is at the Gold saucer when Yuffie and Vincent decide to pair up unlikely people.
1. Yuffie makes a descision

As usual I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of the characters within, Squaresoft does.

Note that this fic will probably contain some Yuri (girl/girl), I'll keep it tasteful , but if that kinda stuff offends you then stop reading now.

Yuffie sat naked on her hotel bed in the Gold Saucer and wondered why this wasn't in script format, as was usual for a FF7 comedy fic. She was still wondering why when Vincent woke up. He had been asleep in her bed for the last few hours, after having sex with her. He stretched he arms out to her and took her hands in his.

"Why is it that we always get paired together in any fanfic?" She asked.

"I.know" he replied slowly

Suddenly there was a huge flash as a strange looking man appeared in the middle of the room.

"Ahhh, don't look I'm naked!" Yuffie squealed

Author: Don't worry, its not like I haven't seen it before.

Vincent scowled " Oh its you, why is your speech in script format?"

Author: Because I'm the author, and I can do whatever I want.

"Stupid power crazed pervert" muttered Yuffie.

Author: (ignoring Yuffie) I've had an idea, why don't you two try and pair up characters that haven't been paired before.

Yuffie raised one eyebrow "Sounds fun, lets do it!"

The author dissappered in a puff of smoke.

"Wait , one more thing." Yelled Yuffie.

The author reappeared without any special effects.

Author: What?

"Are we allowed to do Yuri?" Yuffie asked with a cheeky grin.

Author: Be my guest.

The author disappears with a gentile "pop"

***

Aeris was sitting on the stairs in the hotel when Yuffie plopped down next to her.

"Hi Aeris" she said in a slightly different voice than was normal for the hyperactive thief.

"Hi Yuffie" said Aeris. She turned to look at Yuffie 

"What you thinking about Aeris?"

Aeris sighed "Cloud"

"Why?"

"Because he's on a date with Tifa." Nows my chance thought Yuffie.

"Don't you like any of the other men?" She asked.

Aeris blushed slightly "Well.not in that way no."

Yuffie edged closer to Aeris.

"Why not?"

Aeris was surprised at the ninja's line of questioning, but she answered anyway.

"I don't really know, I usually get paired off with Sephiroth in most fics, but I just don't feel attracted to him at the moment."

" Who do you feel attracted to at the moment?" Aeris had never noticed how full and red Yuffie's lips were before.

"Umwell" Aeris tried to say something, but was cut off as Yuffie leaned towards her and started to kiss her.

Aeris was shocked, not just at Yuffie, but at herself as well. She didn't pull away from the kiss but leaned into it, savouring the feel of Yuffie's mouth against hers.

***

"Well hit me with a Kipper and call me randy!" exclaimed Barret.

"What what?" said Red XIII

"I'd have never guessed!"

"WHAT?"

Barret got angry "Use the binoculars you damn foo'!"

"I can't I haven't got any hands, remember?" replied Red.

***

Author: Hello, this all sounds pretty crazy at the moment so I'll wait till I get some reviews before I continue with it. 


	2. Cloud walks in

As usual I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of the characters within, Squaresoft does.

For anyone reading, don't worry, everyone is at the Gold Saucer, the Turks, Rufus, the lot, and they will appear when they are needed.

Barret stood at the door to Aeris's room, looking through the key hole, manic humping sounds were emanating from within.

"Yuffie, maybe, but Aeris I'd never have guessed, I was a damn foo'" Barret said to Red XIII, who was standing next to him.

"Can I have a look now?" Red asked.

Barret stepped back from the door, to let Red look in the keyhole. Red jumped up and balanced himself against the doorframe.

"Holy shit!" He said "You weren't joking, they're at it like rabbits!"

***

Cloud was walking along with Tifa, holding hands, he was so glad that everything was working out between them. As they rounded a corner they saw something extremely evil sitting on the floor in front of them.

It was a chibi, and not any chibi, it was a chibi that looked like Reno.

"What the hell is that ? " Tifa screamed

"Me chibi, master send me with this" The chibi said in a squeaky voice as it pulled a huge syringe from a pocket.

"What master?" asked Cloud "Sephiroth?"

A huge flash of light announced the arrival of the Author.

Author: I'm his master.

"You're a sick bastard!" said Tifa " How could you create something so" Tifa trailed off as she was lost for words.

Author: Here's the deal Cloud. In this chibi's syringe is a virus, the virus is called Y.A.O.I, you can probably guess what it does.

"You wouldn't" said Cloud in a menacing tone.

Author: Either you say the magic word, or be hunted my chibi minion here until it injects you with the virus and bad thing begin to happen.

"Magic word?" said Cloud "You mean please?"

Author: No, you know what I mean. 

"I will not" A nasty look came over Clouds face "Say that word"

Author: Have it your way then, chibi, get him.

The Reno chibi leaped towards Cloud and began to chase him away, muttering to itself.

"You bastard " Said Tifa "We were going to get it on tonight"

Author: Exactly, you two are a common couple in fanfiction so we couldn't let you do it.

***

Cait Sith stood in his room, playing with an action man figure. He was doing it to distract himself from the fact that he never gets paired with anyone in any fanfics. All of a sudden Tifa burst into his room.

"Oh, hi Tifa, what you doing here?" He asked.

"Not sure" she said in a dazed voice.

"Right" He thought she'd totally lost it and gone crazy.

"Oh yeah I remember now, the author just said to tell you to be at the battle square at midnight."

"Why?" he asked.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" she replied.

***

Cloud ran faster than he had ever ran before, he didn't want to do yaoi in this fic and that chibi behind him was scaring the shit out of him. He could hear it babbling behind him, it was muttering something about frogs.

He could see a door ahead, Aeris's hotel room door. He pushed past Red XIII and Barret, leaving them with shocked expressions on their faces.

He pulled the door open and ran inside, the chibi half following him in and its arm getting stuck in the door as he slammed it shut.

Suddenly he heard a voice from behind him.

"Cloud, what are you doing?!" asked Aeris

Cloud answered, not taking his eyes off the chibi arm stuck in the door as it twitched.

"I was being chased by this evil Reno chibi, so I ran in here to get away."

Satisfied that the chibi wasn't going anywhere, he turned to look at Aeris, and almost fell over with shock.

There in bed with Aeris was Yuffie, they were both naked and breathing hard. Cloud's eyes widened.

"Um.ahh." he managed to say.

***

Hello author here, please R&R this and I will think up more crazy stuff.


	3. Cait Sith finds a girlfriend

As usual I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of the characters within.

Cait sith was on his way to the Battle Square as midnight fast approached. He was wondering what the author had in store for him once he got there. He bounded up the steps and into the lobby, and he saw something that made his heart skip a beat. It was love at first sight as he walked over to her.

***

Cloud could only stand and stare at the pair in the bed, and this was beginning to annoy Aeris. Her and Yuffie and been doing naughty things to each other, she thought, and Cloud was the last person she wanted to she them doing it.

"Cloud! Stop staring!" she shouted at him.

Cloud couldn't help himself from saying what he said next, there was a tiny voice in his mind the screamed "Don't do it you fool, don't do it!!" but he ignored it as the words rolled off his tongue.

"You ladies need a hand?"

In unison Yuffie and Aeris screamed "PERVERT!"

At the sound of that word, Tifa came crashing through the door, eyes wide and teeth bared in a snarl, completely ignoring the fact that Yuffie and Aeris were in bed together.

"Where's the pervert? Where is he?!" she said franticly.

Aeris pointed at Cloud.

"Oh shit!" Cloud exclaimed as Tifa started beating him to a pulp.

And during all of this, everyone forgot about the Reno chibi, as it ran off to commit more evil deeds.

***

Barret and Red XIII crept quickly away from the confusion of the room, not wanting to be attacked be Tifa because of spying. As they walked through the Gold Saucer hotel , they were confronted by a rather unsettling sight. Cait Sith was walking along , with his arm round the waist of what looked like a five-foot tall furby that was walking alongside him.

"ErrrrrrHi there Cait Sith" ventured Barret

"Hi guys, I want you to meet my new girlfriend, Sonya"

"Nice to meet you two" the furby suddenly said.

***

Cid sat at the bar (Yes the Gold Saucer has a bar in this fic) getting drunk, he was pissed off because of always getting Yaoi parings in fanfiction and never a woman, as he took a shot of vodka, Vincent sat down next to him.

"Oh no, you keep the %$@@? away from me **£@!*&^ vampire boy, all you ever do is weird yaoi stuff with me, so you can @@£%! Off!" he said angrily

"Don't worry Cid" replied Vincent " I'm 100% straight in this fic"

"How can you be sure?" asked Cid

"Well I just slept with Yuffie for a start, so I must be straight"

"Ok then, I still don't $$%@@£$ trust ya though."

As they talked Elena stared at Vincent from the other side of the bar, 'Look at him' she thought 'he's so dashing and strong and handsome' as she thought this the author appeared sitting next to her , she turned to him.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease" she said, knowing that he already knew. 

Author: Well I don't know.

Elena made big, watery puppy dog eyes and her bottom lip started to quiver.

Author: Oh all right then.

"Yippee" screamed Elena.

Author: On one condition.

"Name it" she replied.

Author: Before you and Vincent hook up you have to seduce Cloud and then ditch him at the last second.

" Why Cloud!!???" she asked

Author: Because he is the most annoying character. (Cloud fangirls start to batter down doors)

"I thought Yuffies the most annoying character in the game?"

Author: Yeah, but she's already been taken

***

Rufus sat in his hotel room and mused to himself.

'Why do I only ever get Tifa, I mean fair enough she has unnaturally large breasts, but I could do with a change'

He got up and walked out his hotel room door, he walked through the Gold saucer wondering if he could find a suitable women out here, but to no avail. He walked past Reno, who was playing the mog game.

" Come on you stupid little pink bitch, FLY dammit FLY" he was shouting at the screen.

Rufus tapped him on the shoulder and Reno spun around to face him.

"OhMr. President sirI was ."

"Reno, I need someone to play poker with" Rufus said matter-of-factly.

"Sir?" Reno knew what Rufus ment by "poker", Rufus usually ment "poke-her", the thought made Reno flinch.

***

Please R&R this as usual, and tell me if I should continue.


End file.
